My son is 12 and just started JR. High! I can't tell you how many nights I have laid awake and worried what will happen to my sweet child. So I pulled back and thought, prayed and studied this thought and here is what I have come up with. Cut the Strings now! What? How can I cut the strings he needs me I do just about everything for him.... Then my husband sweetly reminded me that this is what we have been working so hard for. We have been taking him to counseling, therapy, tutoring, working with diet, regulating meds, Karate etc. So he will be able to have all the tools to stand on his own two feet when it is time. Now is the time to cut the strings let go and let him sink or or swim! If he fails in 7th grade it might hurt but then he might try harder. So I decided to cut the strings.
The night before his first day of school he has panic attack that he will do something wrong and that I will come and rescue him and that all the kids will think he is a mama's boy. I tell him that no matter what I won't come to school unless he is about to die! Then we come up with a Plan B if things don't go right. We both go to bed and don't sleep. I send him off the next day and he came home alive and happy! We survived the first day. The next day goes well but then he informs me that he doesn't know which bus to take and that he just gets on one and he luckily had gotten home each time! How is this ever going to work?
Now we are half way through the first term and my son is getting all A's and B's. He has forgotten a few assignments but I am now letting my son take care of it. We look on the school assignment tracker everyday when he gets home. When something is missing he works on it until it is done. He is not allowed to play with friends or video games until everything is done. If he is not sure what the assignment is because his mind was else where and he honestly didn't hear it. He sends an email to the teacher and asks what he needs to do.
I am now teaching him how to do it on his own and not depend on me to do everything. We have been able to talk about facing fears and talking to adults. We went to parent teachers conference yesterday. It was a great opportunity for him to explain to the teachers why he isn't always listening. They worked together to figure out how to better work in class. I assured all the teachers that as his parent I will be around to set rules and standards to support them with getting his work done. I also let them know that we are working on letting him stand on his own two feet. His teachers where amazing. I could tell that they were truly impressed with my son and respect him for working so hard at trying to strengthen and cope with his weaknesses.
I recognize that we still have a long road ahead and that my son will always have weaknesses to over come. I still worry about what the future will bring and how he will do with life, love, work and family when he is an adult. Letting go a little has helped me to worry a little less and have more hope for the future.
Cutting the strings and letting go is one of the hardest lessons that I have had to learn on this journey with my special son. I have loved him more than anyone else! I have been his advocate all these years! Their is nothing that I wouldn't do for my son. The important thing to remember is the reason I am doing all of this is so that he can learn to go out into the world on his own and succeed and have joy and happiness in his life. True happiness comes from living up to our full potential and believing in our self. I am so grateful to be his mother and feel so much joy in his success.