Surviving Summer

I have a love/hate relationship with summer.  I love the idea of the pool, Popsicles & playing with friends. Summer has taken on a little bit different meaning over the last couple years. How do we keep the learning momentum going? What programs should we do? Two years ago I loaded everything on. Swimming, horseback riding, Occupational therapy & physical therapy. I also felt the need to feel the in between time with enriching and engaging activities. By the end of summer I was WIPED and so was Emma. It was too much to keep up with. Last summer in an act of what could only be compared to teenage rebellion, we were lumps. Seriously. No schedule. No therapy.  Very few "enriching" activities. It was mostly the pool in the front yard. It was boring and L..O..N..G. The lack of schedule created chaos for Emma. Her anxiety was OFF THE CHARTS high.
What I learned - BALANCE.  I need to work on it. It doesn't have to be 24/7 super mom and tons of activities. There can be structure and schedules without being overloaded. That's my goal on this fast approaching summer. I am constantly talking myself out of adding another activity to the schedule. We will keep bedtimes (other than a few extenuating circumstances) close to the same time, make sure she is getting her 3 meals a day and packed snack/drinks to keep off the "hangry" behaviors that creep up if Emma is even a little bit hungry. There will be a mix of structured activities and down time. Balance. We will be doing Occupational Therapy & Horseback riding (which her dad will be taking her to on their visit). We are debating swimming lessons. As much as we love Miss Betsy it is a long drive, a lot of time & a lot of money. We are holding off on girl scouts and making sure that we have one scheduled at home day.

Organization. This is key for keeping me & Emma in a good place. I have a binder with calendars, menus, fun activity ideas, coupons for various community going ons & envelopes for cash to fund these activities. This is what keeps me sane. For Emma we will be re-implementing the visual schedule at home. She has one at school, but we haven't had one at home for a while, I think carrying something over that is used in school will help ease some of the stress of change.

So that's our survival plan. I am sure once it is here we will have to make some adjustments and tweak things that are and aren't working for us. I have attached a sample of our weekly schedule. This is one of the things I keep in the binder. Again, this is just a sample and there will be wiggle room, I just wanted to give an idea of our basic day. If you want a 'This Week' to print for yourself let me know: ) I can email it to you as a PDF. You can also pop on over my my 'Summer 2014' Pinterest board for organization, schedules & activity ideas. Click HERE.

Let the count down begin...

Lindsay

Schedules for Special Needs Families {& a giveaway!}

{Jen}

At my core I am a planner.  I also was a teacher.  I quickly learned that the best way to keep my students on track and learning regardless of what emergency took me out of the classroom, was ROUTINE.  I also ironically was the teacher that was willing to take on the higher functioning autistic kids.  So, of course - God brought me one of my very own.  I am convinced because he knew I could handle it.  I wish I was one of those parents that loved to scrapbook and craft, but sadly I am not.  I feel there are many other ways I'd like to spend my time.  So, I schedule and plan and use many electronic tools.  

One of the basic things I have used, is just that simple, routine.  We wake at the same time.  We have the same chocolate milk every morning.  The kids get 1 hour of TV in the morning and then by 7:30 a.m the TV is off.  I have even gone so far as to have the sleep timer on the TV set to sleep at 7:30 a.m. and hid the remote. Then it's dress, wash, brush and back down for breakfast.  I start getting them in the car 10 minutes before I need them in the car so that I don't need to scream and sometime they are fast and they sit in the car until I can grab all I need and get to the car.  Bed time is also a routine and the time rarely fluctuates.  

On Sunday nights, I also put all of of the outfits the boys are going to wear into a 5 pocket bin in their closet.  I include undies, socks, shirt and pants.  That way I don't have a whole lot of time wasting in the morning.  Sometime the older one is way into having more of a say so so he helps put it together on Sunday.  This also gives us a chance to talk about the week ahead and take a look at the calendar he has posted on the wall.  

Visual calendars have also been quite helpful for me.  What I mean by that is that I use a calendar with big enough squares, like a desktop size, or I have even found a wall laminate one to draw pictures of what is going happen in the days days ahead. If my husband is going to be out of town, I can draw what will happ on the days leading up to my husbands return. "One more sleep until Dad gets home."

One more thing that I have to say I use less and less is an idea called "backwardschaining."  When I was trying to get Hudson to dress himself, he had trouble with the order of the steps.  So I made a chain of pictures in backwards order, something like this,

Pants: button the pants, zip the zipper, then pull the pants to your waist, do you see your toes?, then your right leg, do you see your toes?, put in your left leg, unzip the zipper, unbutton the button, put the pants in your lap.

His job was to follow the chain of pictures to the top that culminated in the successful picture of him with his pants on.  It sounds weird but it worked and he dresses himself now.

I also love love love an app called iPrompts, $39.99  I use it on my iPad and on my phone. It was pretty pricey for an app, but I needed something that was easy to use and that could help with both my kids not just the special needs one.  iPrompts assists me in making picture schedules on the fly and also allows me to make countdown timers.  I used this a lot when l needed to set a time limit on video games and the TV or just set a timer on sharing a toy.  I can search the web for an image or even just upload one of my own.  Uploading my own images was really helpful when we were adjusting to a new bus driver or any new schedule, because I could use actual pictures of Hudson and Hudson's new bus driver.  Effective and no laminating!

I hope all of this is helpful.  I have to say that all of this organizing for the kids all goes out the window if I haven't been organized enough to take care of myself.  I think the thing that is most helpful for me is to get enough sleep.  I go to bed at 9 and wake up at 5 a.m. to have some quiet time to myself before the day begins.  If I don't get enough sleep it derails the whole day.  Best of luck to you.  Let us know what you are doing to keep your kids moving forward.

{Lindsay} 

Like Jen, I have always been one to appreciate a schedule; I am a “planner” by nature and have never been one to fly by the seat of my pants. Before Emma it was just something I did, after Emma (and my ah ha moment!) I realized that that way of life was the only way if I wanted to keep my sanity and for Emma to thrive. Emma has anxiety, she likes knowing what to expect. If she feels like she has some type of control over things that are going on it really helps ease some of the anxiousness.  By creating visual schedules for her, she felt like she was in control and we avoid meltdowns and anxiety. When Emma was 3, I created our first visual schedule. It was a flip book made with 4X4 pieces of cardstock. I used a variety of pictures, clip art & hand drawn doodles for almost all aspects of our life that I could easily switch around for each day.  We used this for about a year & then switched to a less rigid type of schedule, one sheet with small photos and an overview of our day. Here is what that looked like, I had a sheet for different times of our day and the activities that went with them. 

We have just now gotten to a point we are not using a visual schedule for our entire day.  Before bed we go over what our plans are for the day and will draw a few of the major things on a small dry erase board. If she seems to be feeling anxious about something I will have her go and take a look at it in her room. It was a slow progression to have her let go of some control and move to a less restrictive schedule. One thing that we have not been able to get rid of yet are social stories. If there is a big event or change, I create a quick doodle book of what to expect and when. We have a crazy few months of weddings, me going on vacation and other family events. All of these are stressful and busy and she will need to know ahead of time what to expect. I am actually contemplating switching over to a social story app... it sounds so much easier than drawing everything!

As a family we do maintain a structured schedule.  Morning routine and bedtime are all consistent and rarely deviate. Sometimes things happen but for the most part we all know what to expect. On occasion there is some resistance to what needs to be done (bed usually) but very little. She will argue for a minute and then just go and lay down, she knows it is not something that is up for discussion.... now if she actually sleeps or not is a different story entirely! Our afternoons are less structured but we still have a general schedule that we follow. 

I also have a “command center” in our mudroom with a dry erase calendar and bulletin board for each child and all of their different papers from school. This is our hub - everything is on that calendar. My mom & I share a house and I care for my brother (Ethan - 8 yrs. old) during the day, having all of our appointments & to do's in one place is a life and sanity saver.  I also always have a day planner and my home management binder. All of these things help keep our crazy  life organized. We have so much going on from appointments, extracurricular, work schedules etc. I know that our lives would be unmanageable without the structure and schedules we have. Perfect it is not, and there are days or a few of them in a row that I drop the ball and the schedule gets lack. The funny thing is, on those "break" days, our days are much harder. There is more fighting, crabby kids, crabby mom and I don't get nearly as much done.

Now time for the giveaway, which of course is something to help you get organized! Our giveaway is a Family Planner (home management) binder with blank calendars, notes pages, menus, zipper pouch & business card holder. It is also 3 ring so you can add to it! You will also get an ‘On the Go Filer’. I use this for all things Emma – it has medical info, school info, paperwork I need to fill out etc. It is so nice to have all of her info in one spot that I can just grab and go.  

To enter you must be a follower on this blog & leave a comment on this post letting us know how what type of schedule you are using, don’t forget to leave your name & email so we can let you know if you are the winner. The giveaway will close on Thursday May 4^th @ 1155apm and the winner will be announced Friday! Good luck, we can’t wait to hear what works for you!

Trying to stay on top of it all

This post has morphed over the last couple weeks I have been working on it. It originally was suppose to be a post on organization, especially for our special needs kids. I feel that being organized is an invaluable tool to stay on top of the mountain of paperwork, appointments etc. that our kids have. As I worked on the post it became more of a personal story of the struggles over the last few years. I decided that despite things beyond my control I wanted to be happy. So here we go!

Let me start this post by saying that I am not a therapist, parent expert, happiness expert, organizing or life expert. I have found a system both in my home and for me that helps me stay on top of this crazy life both physically and emotionally. I am happy. Not every day, not all the time – but in general I am happy with the life I have created for myself and my daughter. It’s not easy and I have days that I just want to throw in the towel, but I work hard to keep myself, my home and my priorities in check. There are more times than I would like to admit that my bathroom goes a little longer than it should without being cleaned and my room looks more reminiscent of Monica’s (from Friend’s) secret closet than an actual bedroom. Don’t even get me started on the endless mountains of laundry! Bottom line, I have 20 things going on any given day. From Emma’s school, dance, appointments, illnesses and play dates, to my list of maintaining a home, schedule, work, support group, family and trying to eek out some mommy time. I constantly feel like I am going 10 directions and am trying to keep the juggling act going.  Being organized helps me feel in control and keep on top everything we have going so I & most importantly Emma don’t get overloaded. Having a place for schedules, IEP paperwork, school contact, babysitter info etc. makes life just a little easier. For me, my Home Management Binder is my life saver. It keeps everyone coordinated and all the important paperwork in one place. In one book I can go over our weekly schedule, menu, needed groceries, school stuff and budgets all in one sitting. It’s a time and sanity saver. I have always enjoyed organizing and got a little too excited over a new day planner, but things fell through the cracks in a huge way after having Emma. Here’s a little story of what it took for me to check in on myself and my life and how the glorious Home Management Binder came to be. ..

Emma was a sick and very fussy baby. She slept 4ish hours and we had constant ER visits, doctor’s visit and the eventual feeding tube. I was getting 2-3 hours a sleep a night and my marriage was all but over. I was stressed, tired, miserable and my life was in shambles around me – both figurative and literally. The house was a disaster… like embarrassed to have anyone come to the door disaster. I looked and felt a hot mess and sort of just existed. I was 110% invested in Emma’s care, but let everything about who I was go. I was not the fun, talkative and happy person I once had been. One day, I was watching a couple little girls, my brother (he was 4 at the time) and of course Em. I was feeding Emma in her highchair, I turned to take a few steps to tell the kids to stop this or that and Emma went out after me. I was literally a foot away when she landed on the floor. (Side note: no judgments needed on the seatbelt end of things… I thought since I was going to be right there it would be fine. After this – she was strapped in tight even if I was sitting there with her). Emma hit her head and I immediately called 9-1-1 in absolute hysterics … inconsolable crazy lady hysterics. By the time 4 ambulances, 3 policemen and 2 fire trucks arrived Emma was done crying and was hanging out no worse for the ware. They told us to take her to PCMC to be checked out, but thought she looked fine. I however, was far from it. I remember sitting in the ER room as they observed her. Emma’s dad was there, he had moved out but at that point it was a “take a break and see” type thing. As Emma slept in my arms I spent the time thinking about all that had happened. How was this my life? This is not even close to what I imagined it would be. I am unhappy, tired and frazzled all the time. My house is a disaster and I don’t know my behind from my elbow. Right then and there I decided to make some serious changes.  I spent the 4 hours Emma was being observed making a mental list of all the things I needed to get in order, when I went home I wrote it all down. This was my actual list; I have just added the explanations.

#1: Make a final decision on marriage. We were both miserable, wanted completely different things and fought all the time. This was not something I wanted Emma around and I felt that I deserved to be happy as well. The decision was made and paperwork was filed about a month later. I have not looked back since and am without a doubt sure I made the right decision for my family. #2:  Figure out a home management system. This is when I came up with the binder. This was pre-pinterest so I just had to wing it!  It is broken up into: schedules, menus, home, Emma, Lindsay, Family.
.#3: ORGANIZE EVERYTHING!!!! This one took me a while. I had to focus on one area of the house a week to work on. I would spend 30 minutes a day digging myself out of the nuttiness I had let happen.
#4: I need ME TIME. This was easier said than done and still is, but I have found I am better mom and person if I have just a couple hours to myself.
#5: Get out of the house & do fun things. The kids were happier, I was happier and we were making some fun memories, even across the street at the park or on a nature walk. Sometimes it is still SO MUCH WORK I just don’t want to go anywhere but I found for us this was one of the most important changes I made for our family.

I also set goals - I have a both a family and personal mission statement and set seasonal goals which are divided into “FAMILY GOALS”, “PERSONAL GOALS” & “EMMA’S GOALS”. We don’t always meet all of our seasonal goals, but we are always working towards them.

It took a scary situation to knock me out of my life funk. I have to “check in” with myself every so often when I feel myself start to get crabby or overwhelmed. It’s been 4 years since then and I am still working hard to stick with those goals I set in PCMC ER. We have had many ups and downs since then with both Emma’s health and development. Having all of her information organized and pulled together has been an invaluable tool in our journey. I can quickly thumb through her history and give medication dates or side effects, let the GI know the days she had a stomach ache etc. In the end this leads to more thorough care for Emma.

I do want to finish up by saying; I am not in any way trying to be on a soap box. I know that everyone copes with things differently and everyone does things differently. We are all working so hard to help our kids and keep on top of everything. My only hope from this blog post is to let people know that I have and continue to have struggles along the way. I work hard to try and be the best mom I can, but sometimes feel like I am losing my mind or failing as a parent. This group has been such an amazing addition to my life. I have formed wonderful relationships with people and have a space every month to share the struggles. 

Lindsay

*If you are interested in more on “the binder” J Feel free to email me. I am happy to share templates and pintables! Just email me at utaheasy2love@gmail.com