To provide a place for parents and family members to meet and share experience, strength, give hope and awareness, to other families who have similar experiences raising children with ADD/ADHD, SPD, Anxiety, ASD, mental health diagnosis, developmental and behavioral challenges. Through sharing in this experience of raising these hard to raise kids, we grow stronger and more resilient.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
To the Mom who Said my Child Doesn't Care...
Dear Mom Who Said my Child Doesn't Care:
I can see how she can come across that way to those who don't know her, she can seem distant, distracted and aloof. I know that she needs to leave play time frequently for a "break" and that there are times she is trying to control peers. I know all of these things. I understand they make things hard and that not everyone will understand her quirks.
Here is what I also know. She is one of the most loving, open and accepting children I have ever met. She will play with the child sitting alone. She will give the best hugs and kisses, loves to snuggle and hold hands, and the people in her world are everything to her.
She feels everything deeply and more than most of us. The entire world of sounds, smells, feelings and more are coming at her at full force all the time. The result? Sometimes over the top reactions, needing to leave when everyone is still playing, yelling and acting out. I was open and honest with you. I told you where she struggled and how you can help make things easier. I trusted you with her well being at play dates and even attempted a slumber party. Silly me. I should have known that even though you said you understood - you didn't.
As a mommabear myself, I understand feeling like you needed to protect your child and watching her have hurt feelings was tough. I am just wondering in what world you thought that "fixing things" was coming to my house and not only unleashing your verbal spewing on me about all the things "wrong" but looking at my child and making sure she was clear your were talking about her. Emphasizing each word "there is something wrong with you" "you don't care about anyone" "You will NEVER get to play with L again". Congratulations. You just bullied a 6 year old.
Did you see her face? That child you so clearly think doesn't care? Because I did. Heartbreak. Fear. Confusion. If you would have been a fly on our wall you would have seen the tears. You would have heard her asking heartbreaking questions and crying that no one ever wants to be her friend. You would have heard her begging to go say sorry, make it right and that she will never take a "break" again.
I had to level with my 6 year old and explain to this Innocent sweet little princess that there are bullies out there and that they are not always children. I had to tell her that even though I know she loves playing with your little girl, that things would be different. I had to take a little piece of her innocents and break a little piece of her heart all because you chose ignorance that day.
I will admit. I am still so angry and hurt for my little girl. Angry that she felt like she needed to apologize for being her. Angry that you pulled her in to something that could have been discussed reasonably between the two of us. Just ANGRY. But I am working on moving on, we are moving forward and learned a lot from this experience.
I am hoping you have too.
mom across the way